I decided to blog again, mostly about my weight loss, because one of my favorite people, Danielle, was so brave to do so. [Love you, gorgeous. I'm here to support you. Wish we could do this together in the same city.] Here's my I'm-tired-of list. I'm tired of going up and up in winter coats, dresses, jean sizes, and even t-shirts. I'm tired of not getting to buy the cute clothes that I finally actually want to wear. I'm tired of getting winded when walking to class, climbing a flight of stairs, bringing in the groceries, or playing with the dogs. I'm tired of sweating when I clean the house. I'm tired of weighing more than my 6'2" boyfriend, Mical. I'm tired of feeling like everyone is wondering why Mical is with me, the fat, frumpy girl. I'm tired of feeling like my boyfriend is lying when he tells me I'm pretty, sexy, or beautiful. I'm tired of meeting new people and thinking that all they're thinking is about how fat I am. I'm tired of my Dad never telling me I look pretty anymore when I dress up. I'm tired of feeling tired all the time when I know I shouldn't. I'm tired of being so unproductive. I'm tired of so, so much.

It's ridiculous. I have an elliptical in my house, an athletic dog, a great kitchen to cook in, a supportive as hell boyfriend, and plenty of time. I should be in shape, it's pathetic. I hate looking at old pictures of myself from high school and freshman year. I was so thin and I had no fucking idea. I was convinced I was fat. That is insane. Clinically insane.

Enough bitching, today is the last day to bitch. I've already started to eat right - that's not too much of a problem for me I don't think. I love vegetables and I've grown to love cooking. It's just a matter of getting off my ass and DOING it. I'm down to one coke a day, soon I won't drink any.

The hardest part is definitely working out. I loathe it. Who wants to breathe so hard, sweat, and be in such pain? Also I look like such an ass! I cannot stand going to the fucking gym. I hardly EVER see anyone overweight and when I do - I'm larger than them. I don't feel as large as I am. I feel like I've always felt. That's the sad part. I'm confident about myself UNTIL I look in the mirror. I'll put on some jeans and a shirt I think look cute, do my hair, make an effort putting on makeup, and feel cute. Then I'll go out, accidentally see myself in a mirror and immediately feel so down about myself that I want to go home and hide.

Please support me. Tell me your stories. I'm going to be honest as fuck so I expect the same from you.

****************************UPDATE****************************

Things fizzled out shortly after that blog post. I have a habit of that. Anyway I felt it was important to repost this so everyone knows where I'm coming from. Now if you wouldn't mind... help me not fizzle out again. I know it up to me, but you really can help. Thanks. Love you guys.